Ataraxia In Ha'Dara

Special Kitty...

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:25:00 +0000

Image credit

Bath Cat

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 01:33:00 +0000

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

A Word To The Wise...

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:12:00 +0000

from: Passive-Aggressive Notes

Why Facebook is Sooo Gonna Get You Fired

— even more dangerous than friending your parents on facebook? friending a) your boss and b) the cubicle-mate you kind of can’t stand.

[Click on the title to view the story... language warning]

Why The Human Life Span Is So Long

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:15:00 +0000

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll giv e you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and t he ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service

Image Credit

Jon Stewart Rocks!!

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 04:13:00 +0000

Check this out:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Intro - Brawl Street: Get Ready to Buy Low! And Sell Die

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

[March 9, 2009: Jon Stewart takes on Rick Santelli]

Then, watch this [The complete interview is about 30 minutes long; I especially likes how at 4:45, Jon puts Hitler with Kevin Bacon in 3]

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Intro - Brawl Street: Get Ready to Buy Low! And Sell Die

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

[March 12, 2009: Jon Stewart interview of Jim Cramer]

I think that Mightygodking.com says it best:

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Destroy 'Em!!

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 19:48:00 +0000

Here's how...

And, don't forget to cackle manaically!!!

Are You Having a Bad Day?

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 03:37:00 +0000

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better?

Geeky Halloween Costume...

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:00:00 +0000

Yes, I know that it's closer to St. Patrick's Day than Halloween, but this costume idea came up, so why wait until the last minute to put together your costume?

Neatorama posted photos of Evan Booth's costume... he looks like someone with a gaping hole blown through him!!

For those MacGuyver fans among you ...

It's done with a DVD player, a digital camera, and lots of duct tape (what else?)

Thanks to: Neatorama

Another tool in the arsenal of the Evil OverLord™...

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 22:25:00 +0000

If you find that resistance is more than you can handle at the present time, Google comes to the rescue...

[This image, while looking eerily like the Eye of Sauron, is actually an image of a ring of dust around the star commonly known as Fomalhaut... also known as Alpha Piscis Austrini (try saying *that* three times fast, LOL!)

And while the star's name actually means "whales' mouth" in Arabic, I have a feeling that "The Eye of Sauron" might stick a lot better. :-)]

Anywhoo... back to technical stuff...

Using Google Maps, CarlosLabs has come up with a mashup that helps out the geek minions of the Evil OverLord™figure out exactly where placing their bombs will do the most good... or evil, in this instance...

Check it out >>> Ground Zero

The Moral of The Story

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:25:00 +0000

A teacher gave her students a homework assignment to ask their parent
to tell them a story with a moral.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories. As the last student was reached Ms Jones asked, " Johnny, do
you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a
pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over
enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol
and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall in to enemy
hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty
enemy troops.

Image by: journalism92287

She shot fifteen with the gun until she ran out of
bullets, killed four more with the knife, til the blade broke and then
she killed the last one with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," exclaimed the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral
did your Daddy teach you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Carol when she`s been drinking."

Nation's Blacks Creeped Out By All The People Smiling At Them

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:42:00 +0000

Nation's Blacks Creeped Out By All The People Smiling At Them

My biggest, like, linguistic pet peeve

noreply@blogger.com (-------) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:13:00 +0000

Image by: nwistheone
Link to larger image: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3269/2724997561_79a04a5851_o.jpg

And, for the gentlemen:
Image located at: http://flickr.com/photos/ymalakha/64949425/

How Things Change...

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 22:14:00 +0000

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

The engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

Image by: lil'bear

[To steal from another joke... 'And that's when the fight started...' LOL!!]

Toilet Cleaning Instructions

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:15:00 +0000

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet --the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse.'

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

Top Ten Ways To Know If Your Car Is a Beater

LaVedaHMason@gmail.com (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 06:05:00 +0000

Image from the Spike.com blog

Ok, right now, I'm driving a vehicle that was built in this century, but it wasn't always that way.

And while I have driven used cars, I have not driven a car that qualifies according to this list:

From the site:

As we collectively start tightening our belts and begin to brave the storm that is the economic apocalypse, it quickly becomes second nature to cut corners here and there, in the hopes of stretching every dollar to its limit. One of the first treasures in a person's possession that's going to bear the brunt of this new economy is their car. Perhaps it starts with an ignored "Check Engine" light, or maybe a trick you have to learn to close the passenger door. Then one day, you wake up and suddenly realize you're driving a full-blown hooptie.

Before you go to the link, put your drink down!!! You have been warned :-)!!

Palin, Palin, Palin...

noreply@blogger.com (-------) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:43:00 +0000

Made you look ... :-) Here it is...

Palin takes prank call from fake French president

Republican vice presidential candidate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, attends a rally at the West Port High School in Ocala, Fla., Saturday, Nov.1, 2008. (AP Photo/Phil Sandlin)

Ok... All I have to say on this story is two words:

Call screening.

You would think that with all of the jokes, TV shows, and videos floating around about this VP nominee, before anyone let her near a phone, the call would be verified by someone who is familiar with international phone protocols for heads of state (is there such a thing?).

Not very nice, Masked Avengers... not. very. nice. And jeers to the staff that let it happen.

So, you think that the US is in the sewer after 8 years of Bush?

noreply@blogger.com (-------) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:06:00 +0000

So does San Francisco.

On Election Day, San Francisco voters are going to vote on a measure to rename one of the city's largest sewage treatment stations, The George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Yikes!

Tell us how you really feel, San Francisco!

Republicans are promising to defeat the measure; but San Francisco is a majority Democratic city...

Has any other President ever had the :cough: honor of having a sewage plant named after them?

[I sure hope not...]

You can't make this stuff up...

I'm A Villager, and I Approved This Message!

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:02:00 +0000

Check this out:

Thanks to Tension Breaker for this bit of silliness... and, if you want to 'wear it with pride' ... go here, lol!!

Have you ever had one of those days?

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:08:00 +0000

When people think they are something they're not, and even when you are just trying to help, you are attacked for no reason?

Are you surrounded by 'unusual' people? Some days are a lot like this cartoon...

Honesty... hah!

Hang in there, and don't sweat it... they're all made of meat, anyway :-)

April Is Here.... Spring Is Coming!

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 15:38:00 +0000

Greetings!

It's been a crazy March... but thank heavens that it is over now :-)!

Parody of US Government safety/security websites

Shakespeare Insult Kit

How to Keep An Idiot Busy (for at least a few minutes)

To amuse those of you who help friends and family with their computers (you poor, overworked folks); remember, it could be worse:

I'm absolutely speechless!

Drink alert!
(The site is satire - I think :scratching head:)

Happy St. Patricks' Day!!

noreply@blogger.com (-------) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Some Irish jokes for you...

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St. Patrick's Day.

Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy."

Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

"Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way", but he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed."

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and hauls himself up into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"

She replies, "Mick phoned ... You left your wheelchair at the pub.
-------------------------------------------------------

Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.

The manager went to Murphy and said, 'Thank you for coming to the interview, but We've decided to give the American the job.'

Murphy, 'And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.'

Manager, 'We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.'

Murphy, 'And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?'

Manager, 'Simple. On question number 7 the American wrote down, 'I don't know.'

You put down, 'Neither do I.'
--------------------------------------------------------

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

'Come have a look over here, 'says Paddy, 'It's Michael O' Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.'

'That's nothing, 'says Sean, 'here's one named Patrick O' Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died.'

Just then, Seamus yells out, 'Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!'

'What was his name?' asks Paddy.

Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker and exclaims: 'Miles, from Dublin.'

And a old Irish blessing:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Syllabus for The Future World Dominator™...

noreply@blogger.com (-------) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 04:00:00 +0000

So, you've decided that you want to dominate the world, have you?

Help is here... I did a little searching to aid you in your quest!

First of all, if you aren't a trust-fund baby, you may have to start your empire on a shoestring. Here is a way to get started without breaking the bank; powerful weapons await!

A few things that don't cost any money at all, just time... cynical comebacks [lest anyone mistake you for depressed, as opposed to truly evil, bwahahahaaaaa!]... and you need to practice being a bad guy, to fine-tune your skills... if it's good enough for the US military, it's good enough for you!

Every Evil Overlord™ needs to hire some minions, here's an employment ad that has proven successful ...

And don't forget, business cards are always important for networking!

A lack of knowledge has tripped up many attempts at seizing world power; learn from some former world conquerors what to do/not do in your quest for ultimate power, learn about the good guys, ... and how to defeat them with a minimum of fuss, so that you can enjoy the fruits of your ill-gotten gains!

Have fun... I'll be off somewhere safe and quiet!!

We Live In 'Interesting Times' ...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 05:00:00 +0000

and this week has been proof of that ... we've had a complete lunar eclipse, the KKK has endorsed Sen. Barack Obama (what has been seen, cannot be unseen!), and Ralph Nader has declared his candidacy for the Presidency. Commentary on that has been priceless - I don't have enough bandwidth to cover that one, lol!

Actually, I'm having another one of those is it news, or satire moments with respect to Mr. Nader's proposed candidacy. Looks like he plans to hornswoggle either Barack or Hillary out of their hard-won victory [no matter who you like/dislike, there is no getting around the fact that whoever wins the nomination had to work hard for it]! Break out the popcorn... it's going to be a wild ride!! All that's left is for Al Gore to decide to jump in.

This election is really just to keep our minds off of the real issues at hand... like the fact that we are spending way too much time on the internet, don't have enough cash on hand, and we obsess about work. Well, here's a joke to make you chuckle:

"So, I get on the plane and I'm sitting there by the window with two vacant seats when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to me.

I am wondering about the dog and I ask why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I put him to work.'

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says: 'Watch this.' He tells Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.'

I say, 'That's pretty neat.' Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm.

The agent says, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so, again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' I tell him. The agent then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and pooped.

I was really grossed out by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so I ask the agent...'What's going on?'

The agent nervously replied, 'He just found a bomb!'"

Have a great day!! I'm going to take a nap...

Photo from: http://www.useless-site.com/images/posters/lazyness.jpg

Tag! You're it, LOL!

Valentine's Day Is Over, It's Back to 'Normal'...

noreply@blogger.com (-------) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:16:00 +0000

Why we don't want a black president (hey, it makes as much sense as anything else I've read!)

Navy Develops Cool New 'Ping' unfortunately, it's the audio equivalent of the 'Red Shirt'!

US Takes Out Debt Consolidation Loan The interest to principle ratio is going to be murder!

AOL To Build Free Home Pages For The Homeless But do they get free internet access?

Google Plans to Destroy Information It Can't Index Doesn't this go against their 'don't be evil' creed?

Word of the Day: Concupiscence (noun)

Pronunciation: [kahn-kyê-'pi-shênts]

Definition: A powerful lust, especially sexual, for something.

Usage: The word is often used as the antonym of Platonic love. St. Augustine wrote on marriage and concupiscence, noting that the avoidance of concupiscence toward the spouses of others is not enough; married couples should extirpate it from their relationship, too.

Suggested Usage: The word may be used metaphorically to express a strong, visceral desire for anything: "Her concupiscence for chocolate keeps her in Tae Bo classes constantly." You might also say, "His concupiscence for work left his family in despair," instead of calling him a workaholic.

Etymology: Latin concupiscere "to desire ardently", from com- "with" + cupere "to desire". The stem cup- underlies "Cupid" and "cupidity", from cupido "desire".
–Dr. Language, YourDictionary.com

Cartoon:

Cartoon by hugh macleod

I'm baaaaaaccck...

noreply@blogger.com (-------) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 02:13:00 +0000

As a woman, I've never had to deal with urinal ettiquette, so I found this amazing:
Man Beaten For Breach of Urinal Ettiquette

With all that's been going on at my house lately, I should become a lynchnobite, because that way, I'd get more work done [laughing]!!

I've been reading this blog lately, and he's begun a Valentine's Day guide for men (Part 1) Part 2

What to get the woman who 'doesn't want anything' for Valentine's Day!

Star Trek geeks, rejoice! The latest ST movie is getting professional science advice, hooray!

Check out this cute cartoon about the future :)